An authoritarian parent is described as being highly controlling, demanding, unresponsive, and extremely strict. The parent will usually dictate how their child should behave. Generally, the parent will not listen or try to understand the child’s point of view. The child is forced to obey orders without having an input. An authoritarian parent may instill fear in the child by using threatening verbiage like “Do as I say or else”. When questioned by their child they may respond by saying “because said so”. Discipline usually involves physical, emotional and verbal abuse without explanation.
Spankings are frequent and parents usually tend to show rage towards the child (Contracts, 2013, p. 300). Children with authoritarian parents are often unhappy, lack confidence, have weak communication skills, and have less social ability. The results of authoritarian parenting can prevent the child from making their own choices and always needing direction. These children are less likely to succeed and more likely to be followers rather than leaders. In contrast to authoritarian parenting is indulgent style parenting, in which the parent is highly involved with their hillier but place few demands or controls on them.
Indulgent parents rarely establish rules for their child. They allow the child to do as they please without restriction (Contracts, 201 3, p. 300). This parenting style is based upon the parent’s belief that a combination of warm involvement and few restraints will produce a creative, confident child (Contracts, 2013, p. 300). The parent usually caters to all needs and wants of the child and has little or no expectation of child’s overall behavior. These children hardly ever complete a task or goal because completion is not being reinforced.
Punishments are almost non-existent in indulgent parenting because there are no expectations or rules to live up to. Overall if the child disagrees, he/she is often accommodated and given what they want. The results of indulgent parenting are usually an individual who is impulsive, disrespectful, domineering, noncompliance and has difficulties in peer relations. In addition they have trouble staying committed to anything, developing goals and becoming successful because of lack of encouragement and parental reinforcement. The median of these two styles is authoritative style parenting. This is a more enigmatic approach towards parenting.
Whereas, the child and parent work together in making decisions and value each other’s opinions. Authoritative parents make demands that fit with children’s ability to take responsibility for their own behavior. Authoritative parenting is a balance of authoritarian and indulgent parenting. It is the perfect combination of the two basic elements of control and warmth. This type of parenting encourages the child’s independence but still places limits and controls on their actions Authoritative parents show pleasure and support in response to children’s constructive behavior (Contracts, 201 3, p. 00). Rules and expectations are explained and discussed with the child. The child is allowed to give their input and make their own choices with parental guidance. If a child fails to meet expectations the child will be spoken to and have the situation explained on how to improve for future events. As opposed to authoritarian parenting, the child is given the opportunity to question things and their opinion is valued. Children raised by authoritative parents have higher self-esteem, cognitive development, emotional maturity, leadership abilities, and are more likely to succeed.
Though the previous parenting styles involve some parental involvement in their children’s lives, neglectful parenting solely does not. The parent is simply absent during the child’s life. Banding’s believes children whose parents are neglectful develop the sense that other aspects of the parents’ lives are more important than they are (Contracts, 2013, p. 300). A parent who is neglectful is neither demanding nor responsive. This parent does not pay attention to their children and allows them to do whatever they want without any guidance. Neglectful parents usually lack affection for their hillier.
They don’t take their child’s emotions and wants into account causing the child to feel unwanted. Parental neglect and lack of support forces the child to become independent sooner than expected. According to Contracts, these children tend to be socially incompetent and suffer from low self-esteem, immaturity, and alienate themselves from family (Contracts, 2013, p. 300). Neglectful parenting can lead to delinquency and criminal behavior because of the lack of parental guidance and supervision. After much reading on the different parenting styles was able to label my mother’s and my own renting styles.
Although there are four different parenting styles, parents don’t really fit one description completely. My mother raised us the best she could using the same parenting styles her parents used with her. Reflecting on my mother’s parenting styles realized her parenting styles consisted Of a combination of authoritative and neglectful parenting. My mother was a single, illegal immigrant mother of four children with a 3rd grade level education. The stressful life of having to work two jobs to provide food and shelter for her children played a part in her parenting style as well as other actors.
In turn, she directed her frustrations and anger towards her children. She dictated what behaviors were allowed in the house and outside of the house. Everything had to be done exactly how she wanted them to be done or else we’d get punished. When the rules weren’t followed or mistakes were made we were punished physically and verbally insulted. Unfortunately, during my adolescent years my mothers authoritarian parenting style slowly progressed into neglectful parenting. Aside from working two jobs, she became extremely involved in church and less involved with her children. Work was her first priority and church was her second.
Needless to say, there was no parental supervision during the day and sometimes during the night. The neglect was so severe that our school trainees escalated to school suspensions, delinquency and my mother failed to acknowledge it all. As a result, my brothers and I gravitated towards gang violence, drugs, alcohol and promiscuity. My older brother joined a gang and was constantly arrested for misdemeanors. As I read more about parenting I realize some of our negative behavior was a call for attention. My search for the love, affection acceptance ND attention that was missing at home ended when became responsible for my own child.
As history tends to repeat itself, I became pregnant at the age of sixteen just like my mother. However, as reflect on my life and how similar it is to my mother’s I realize have learned from her mistakes and I’m raising my children differently. The more educated become on the subject of parenting the better parent I become. Before learned about the different parenting styles and the effects they had on a child’s outcome, was using a mixture of authoritarian and authoritative style parenting with my children. Though some of my parenting may fall under authoritarian style most of it can be classified under authoritative style.
My children are able to express their thoughts and opinions with me. Both my husband and are very involved in their lives and make their education one of our biggest priorities. Making sure our children are happy and able to make good decisions is also a focus of ours. We are supportive of any constructive behavior and praise them when they try something out of their comfort level. However, we are guilty of occasionally saying “Because I said so. ” or “You better clean your mom or else. ” I chose not to follow my mother’s parenting style because it was not effective on me. M determined to raise my three daughters and son with the confidence, ambition, perseverance, and knowledge needed to succeed in life. When disciplining our children we used similar methods an authoritarian parent would use. After much research and learning about the effects of yelling, screaming and spanking we have decided to not use that a form Of discipline. My three-year-old daughter recently wrote all over Our bathroom’s toilet seat and first tried to cover it up then tried cleaning it. Clearly she recognized she had done something wrong but when asked who wrote on the toilet she lied and said she didn’t do it.
That was the moment I realized that we were disciplining our children the wrong way. The fear of getting yelled at was enough to make my three-year-old lie to me. Therefore, instead of yelling and spanking we have begun to take certain privileges away such as; electronics, parties, play dates, sleepovers, and athletic events away as a form of punishment. We thoroughly explain the rules and punishments for breaking the rules beforehand so they can be aware and make conscious sections and accept full responsibility for their actions.
Just as we discipline our children for unacceptable behavior we also reward our children for good behavior. Positive reinforcement is a very powerful and an effective tool that helps shape and change behavior. Though we use positive reinforcement we do not let them know beforehand what behavior will be rewarded. To conclude, of the four categories authoritative parenting yield the best long- term results. It is important to keep a balanced parenting style that allows our children to build on social skills and gives them the experience to manage heir emotions much better than the other styles.
Parenting styles have a great impact on the outcome of a child’s future. I am determined to improve my parenting techniques for the benefit of my children. My goal is to continue educating myself on effective parenting techniques to prepare my children for a happy and successful life. President Benjamin Franklin once said “We may not be able to prepare the future for our children, but we can at least prepare our children for the future.