Also, the message can be interpreted wrong based on how that person is feeling. For example, if someone is in a bad mood, that event or conversation could go the wrong way because of his or her frame. This paper examines the role of communication in the development of my life. I believe that communication is something that shapes a person’s identity. Identity is who a person is, composed of the individual and social categories a person identifies with as well as what category other people identify that person In.
My identity is who I am and I believe that it was something I plopped, not that I was born to be this person. It does begin at birth though; from the second you are born your parents begin to shape the person you become. Based on how they nurture you makes the first influence on your life when you become your self. An individuals selfish influenced by For example, my father has always worked a job where he only came home once a week. This caused me to see my mom as my main caretaker and feel more comfortable around her. Because my dad was always away, my mom would get very upset and it would make me upset. Old always try to do everything could to make her happy and I still do that to this day. Because of this I unintentionally got the direct definition of being caring and it is something that has made me who am. Growing up in middle school I had 4 best friends who I used to do everything with. What they said or did was all that mattered to me and they were a big influence on my life. My reflected appraisal was based off these particular others. For example, when I was younger I was always said and did silly things. Because did that, my friends would always make fun of me and call me dumb.
They just thought it was a joke but it actually hurt me and I began to believe that I really was dumb. This really hurt my Self-esteem and it made me feel like had to spend my whole life proving to them that I am smart. Middle school is the time where your peers influence you the most. Perception of self is not only based off particular others, it is based off generalized other also. The difference between the two is generalized other is roles, rules, norms, beliefs and attitudes that are endorsed by the community in which a person lives.
The community lived in for most middle school dents are their time at school. I think of the community as the whole population of the middle school and particular others are the close group of friends you had. When was in middle school, it was a cool thing to wear Hollister, Reportorial and American Eagle. One day I went home from school in 7th grade and had told my mom that I needed to go to these stores and get clothes right away. She answered with “l just bought a bunch of new clothes, what is wrong with those? I told her that they weren’t what everyone else was wearing and If I didn’t wear them I would be a loser. Of course my mom didn’t buy me new clothes but was influenced by how the generalized other was dressing. The summer before high school, had experienced something tragic that had happened in my life. One of my very close friends had passed away about 2 weeks before school started. When I entered my first day of school I was completely out of it, along with the 2 months that followed. This really had affected my listening skills.
I was preoccupied and just pseudo listening in all my classes. I wasn’t focused on learning or even cared about learning. All I cared about was my friend and wishing they were there with me. My grades began to drop and one of the councilors began to notice. I got the help needed and realized that had to change my listening skills if I wanted to do good in school. So began becoming a content-oriented listener. Found out that it was easier for me to listen and pay attention in class when I was listening to something that interested me and had a lot of detail. Also enjoyed giving my feedback and having debates. Becoming this kind of listener helped me focus better and understand what I was being taught more. Having good listening skills is important for everyone because it can elf improve memory, enhance academic performance and also help enhance personal relationships. After being in high school for two years, got a serious boyfriend. We began hanging out every weekend and getting very comfortable around each other. Of course conflict became something we had to face. Conflict is something that can be built up and often it is confusing.
For example, my boyfriend and I have had behavioral conflict. We will have disagreements over specific behaviors that one or the other performs. One time he had got upset over one of my good guy friends testing me about a class we have together. He accused me of liking the boy and saying theses why we were so close. I was confused as to why he was getting mad because this is something I wouldn’t have gotten mad over. Me being confused just made the conflict worse because I didn’t see why he was angry and in his mind it was a clear reason as to why he should be.
After this argument it brought up relationship rules. Relationship rules are what is expected and prohibited in a relationship. He had believed it was wrong because in a relationship the one partner should not be close with someone of the opposite sex unless it is his or her partner. There are many other common relationship rules and they do not only have to be included in romantic partners, they are also in friendships. In my senior year of high school, my brother had moved back into my house. We didn’t have a bedroom for him so he was sleeping in our second living room.
We also only had one working bathroom at the time when he moved in. Every morning it was my mom, my dad, my brother and me that all had to get ready at about the same time. But before my brother moved back in it worked out well that we all got in and out in a good time frame. I had to eave for school everyday at 7 and my brother had to leave for work at 7. The first two weeks that he was in our house I used avoiding style about the conflict. I didn’t bring it up to him because I wanted him to feel welcome into the house.
But when it got to week 4 1 couldn’t handle it anymore. By this point I had held in the anger so much that when I did say something blew up and it caused an argument between us. We decided to sit down and use the cooperative style of conflict. Also known as compromising. We each decided to give something up in order to make the other person happy. We got a little it of what we both wanted. We decided that I would shower fist because it took me longer and then I would do my makeup and hair in my room.
I believe Compromising is the best way to solve an issue fairly because it shows that you care about not only your own needs but the other persons as well. A big chapter in my life was coming to college. It is like the first day of kindergarten all over again. You have to make new friends, find people that share the same similarities as you and people that are the same as you personality wise. I believe that the social penetration theory is what made me o close with the friends have made at college.
The social penetration theory is based on the premise that communication is key to relationship development. For example, one day one of my friends that I met here confided in me and told me about a time when she had a mental break down and went to a mental hospital. That really made me feel closer to her and built our relationship. She is now one of my best friends. College brought new friendships into my life but it also brought a romantic partner from the past and old friendships. Relation maintenance is something hat try very hard to do while being so far from everyone.
The most difficult relationship to maintain is the one with my romantic partner. My boyfriend tends to use negative identity management. This is when he communicates in negative ways that cause negative emotions in order to make the other person upset enough to agree to break off the relationship. For example, the other day I was testing my boyfriend and he kept ignoring me on purpose because he knew it would make me angry. Communication is essential to life because it begins at birth, makes you who you are, builds relationships, and helps maintain them.